Where Are My KEYS???

A tribute to Dr. Seuss

A doctor SOON I have to see
But where’s the ring with my car key?

I had to wash my favorite jacket
And my key ring was in the pocket

I can’t remember where I put it
And doctor’s too far off to foot it

I did not put them in a boxNow all my keys are off in limbo
I wrack my brain with arms akimbo

I did not put them in a box
I did not give them to a fox

I did not put them on the piano
I did not squish them in a b’nana

I did not give them to Clark GableThey are not on the dining table
I did not give them to Clark Gable

I did not hide them by a package
I did not put them in some sackage

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My Car Crash – The Aftermath

After having my car hit by a semi on September 21st, I just wanted to go home, but first there was all this paperwork. Just for starters, the police officer gave ME a ticket. The woman who told me she saw the semi go through the red light either lied to me or lied to the policeman, and naturally the semi driver said it was my fault. They said I turned when the light changed to yellow.

I don’t believe it. The light was turning red. Anyway, I’m not stupid enough to make a left turn in front of a semi, and I never even saw him until he was right on top of me. Was another semi already stopped in the left southbound lane, maybe, that blocked my view of the one still in motion? If so, that would support my claim that the light was turning red. But there it is – it’s their word against mine, and I lose. No other witnesses came forward.

The cop also gave me an accident report, partly filled out, and explained what I needed to do with it, and an envelope. He gave me instructions about the citation, too. He asked me where I wanted to go, and when I said, “Home,” he said he couldn’t do that. After a short discussion he dropped me off at a nearby restaurant, which was a mistake, because I didn’t want to eat, I wanted to smoke. And go home.

(A word to the police: Giving verbal instructions about paperwork to people who are dazed and crying after a car crash is stupid. There needs to be an instruction sheet that can be referred to later. I really don’t recall enough of what he told me to do.) Continue reading