Where Are My KEYS???

A tribute to Dr. Seuss

A doctor SOON I have to see
But where’s the ring with my car key?

I had to wash my favorite jacket
And my key ring was in the pocket

I can’t remember where I put it
And doctor’s too far off to foot it

I did not put them in a boxNow all my keys are off in limbo
I wrack my brain with arms akimbo

I did not put them in a box
I did not give them to a fox

I did not put them on the piano
I did not squish them in a b’nana

I did not give them to Clark GableThey are not on the dining table
I did not give them to Clark Gable

I did not hide them by a package
I did not put them in some sackage

I did not put them on a counter
Nor stick behind a picture mounter

I did not put them on the stoveI did not put them on the stove
I did not hide them in a grove

They are not hidden by the TV
No Wonder they went not to Stevie

I did not put them on the floor
I did not throw them out the doorI did not throw them out the door

I did not put them in a bowl
I did not drop them in a hole

They are not in the living room
My doc appointment goes to doom

And they are nowhere in the kitchen
So on I search, with words a-bitchin’

They are not mixed with kitty litter I did not hide them under glitter
They are not mixed with kitty litter

I did not leave them with the laundry
I did not take them to a foundry

I did not leave them on the stair
Nor give them to my teddy bear

I did not give them to GodzillaI did not hide them ‘neath a pillow
I did not give them to Godzilla

I did not put them on the hamper
They’re not stuck to the chimney damper

I did not put them in the guest room
Nor leave them in the upstairs rest room

I did not put them in a closet
Nor stash them in a safe deposit

They did not go to Basil RathboneThey are not in the downstairs bathroom
They did not go to Basil Rathbone

I did not put them in a drawer
I did not give them to a whore

I did not put them in a pocket
By now I want to holler, “Fock it!”

I did not hang them on a wall
Not in the crawl space, eitherNor hide them in the space of crawl

I did not put them with my books
They’re not in crannies or in nooks

I did not put them by the phone
I did not give them to a clone

They did not go to Japan's GameraI did not hide them by my camera
I gave them not to Japan’s Gamera

I did not give them to a female
I did not send them off by email

I did not put them on the bureau
Nor sell them for a hundred Euro

They're not by my "Vote Cthulhu" emblem (Cthulhu/Dagon 2016!)They were not taken by a Gremlin
They’re not by my “Vote Cthulhu” emblem

For FORTY MINUTES I’ve been searching
You know by now my brain is lurching

And THERE THEY ARE! And where, you ask it?
I’d dropped them in a wicker basket!

I'd dropped them in a wicker basket!A basket on the office floor
Five feet behind me – maybe four!

Now I feel like a royal nitwit
No, worse – a stupid, total dipshit.

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