Category Archives: Bipolar and Mental Health

Goodbye to About.com

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At the beginning of March I was notified by About.com management that my contract, expiring March 31st, was not going to be renewed. After 17 years, I was out on my ear.

I started working at About Bipolar Disorder back in 1998 when my friend Kimberly Read, who was applying for the bipolar disorder topic, asked if I’d help her prepare her demo site. I knew nothing at all about bipolar disorder then, but I did know how to gather links, and the Mining Company, as About was then known, was at that time all about links to good internet information.

Kimberly Read

Kim

Kim got the site, and I continued to help her build it. Then a family illness made it impossible for her to do the necessary work of writing articles, and in order to keep her from losing the job, I began writing articles. They weren’t medical articles, but they were good enough to carry it along until Kim was able to return.

Eventually Kim told management I had been contributing a great deal to the site and asked if I could become her co-Guide. (We were called Guides until just recently, when they changed the title to “Experts.”) This was granted, and we started splitting the monthly stipend, which was all of $100 a month. Continue reading →

Bipolar Medications, Weight Gain, and Shame: A Confession

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In the late 1980s I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and given Elavil (amitriptyline) to help me sleep. I had been found to have inadequate delta sleep (deep, restful sleep) in a sleep study, and it was thought (maybe still is) that poor sleep and fibromyalgia were related.

The first morning after I took Elavil I nearly wept for joy. It was the first good night’s sleep I’d had in 20 years.

One problem with that drug is that you have to keep jacking up the dose to get the same effect. The other is that it packs on the weight. I went from 135 to 165 pounds, and people were asking me if I was pregnant.

In 1992 I decided I couldn’t stand the extra weight any more and stopped taking Elavil. The weight started to peel off. Then, in December, my sweetheart of 11 years died suddenly, just a month after we finally got engaged. I lost a total of 40 pounds, down to 125.

Prozac

Prozac

Now, I looked great at 135, and not bad at all at 125, even though I was 5’10” tall, as I’m extremely small-boned. But in 1994 I had a depressive breakdown and was put on Prozac, which was still pretty new then.

By 1997 I had gained 20 pounds and I did not look good.

In 1999 I was diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder and began to play musical chairs with meds. More and more weight gain, till I got up to 170. Here’s my medication history from my first psychiatric medications until 2003:

Continue reading →

Crisis Survived

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And this was just the beginning

And this was just the beginning

In February water started dripping through my living room’s bay window. That meant emergency work to remove built-up ice, using every pot I owned to catch the water, damage to the drywall and woodwork, and dealing with insurance and contractors.

In April I got a roommate. A male roommate, named Travis, who is about 40 years younger than me. Our agreement is that he will help with cooking, cleaning and heavy work in return for reduced rent. This is a good thing, but still a stressful adjustment.

In May I found out that my dock – just a small wooden dock that juts out into the lake behind my house – is beyond repair and will have to be replaced.

Near the end of May I learned that I need a new roof.

And one morning I woke up and thought how easy it would be to kill myself. Continue reading →