Author Archives: Echo

Bipolar Medications, Weight Gain, and Shame: A Confession

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In the late 1980s I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and given Elavil (amitriptyline) to help me sleep. I had been found to have inadequate delta sleep (deep, restful sleep) in a sleep study, and it was thought (maybe still is) that poor sleep and fibromyalgia were related.

The first morning after I took Elavil I nearly wept for joy. It was the first good night’s sleep I’d had in 20 years.

One problem with that drug is that you have to keep jacking up the dose to get the same effect. The other is that it packs on the weight. I went from 135 to 165 pounds, and people were asking me if I was pregnant.

In 1992 I decided I couldn’t stand the extra weight any more and stopped taking Elavil. The weight started to peel off. Then, in December, my sweetheart of 11 years died suddenly, just a month after we finally got engaged. I lost a total of 40 pounds, down to 125.

Prozac

Prozac

Now, I looked great at 135, and not bad at all at 125, even though I was 5’10” tall, as I’m extremely small-boned. But in 1994 I had a depressive breakdown and was put on Prozac, which was still pretty new then.

By 1997 I had gained 20 pounds and I did not look good.

In 1999 I was diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder and began to play musical chairs with meds. More and more weight gain, till I got up to 170. Here’s my medication history from my first psychiatric medications until 2003:

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Crochet and Knitting Technique: The Two-Knot Join

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Not long ago my friend Sassy gave me a link to a knotless yarn joining technique called the Russian join. It look exciting to both of us – a way to join a new strand of yarn to the existing one with no knot to form a lump in the work.

I found a video demonstrating the technique, but my first few tries were failures (so were Sassy’s). I went back to the video and studied it closely, and finally I was able to make the join – but there were problems. First, it doesn’t work well at all with yarns that split easily, because your stitches will be too loose. Second, it doubles the thickness of the yarn on both sides of the join for a couple of inches.

Unsatisfied, I went back to using another joining technique I had learned from a video. I wanted Sassy to learn it, but absolutely couldn’t locate the video again.

So this is not my technique. I don’t know where it originated. But I offer these instructions for anyone looking for a clean and easy way to join two strands of yarn. It can be used to add a new skein or ball when you’re working with a single color, or to switch colors. My only note is that it’s not good for changing colors at a specific point in a pattern – but then, neither is the Russian join.

The pictures are Sassy’s as she followed along with my instructions via messaging. I asked her to use two different colors of yarn to make it very easy for me to explain the technique.

The Two-Knot Join

First, take two ends of yarn and overlap them about 4 inches, not touching each other.Two-Knot Join - Beginning Continue reading →

Garden Sadness 2015

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Last year I was an emotional wreck during the months when normally I would have been poring over seed and plant catalogues. Late in spring I ordered plants from just one vendor, and the box sat and sat and finally I gave it away, unopened.

Summer came, and fall, and I did almost nothing in the yard. Every week Enrique’s crew came to mow, but in the gardens, the weeds grew and grew. I had a new passion – crocheting – and spent my money on yarn and other craft supplies instead of on the garden. I spent my time on that, too. The gardens were almost wholly neglected. Fortunately, we had enough rain, so nothing cooked for lack of my interest in watering.

This year, I want to buy plants again. I mean, I really want to buy plants. There are days when I’ve had to take my afternoon tranquilizer early to keep myself from buying plants. I never realized till then how much anxiety contributes to indiscriminate spending.

Why can’t I buy? Continue reading →